The Unforgiven
There is one person who did me a wrong so dire, so earth and soul shattering that I have
never been able to feel it in my heart to forgive her. This person, like me, is a mother, and in
every other situation in which I had seen her, acted with the best judgment and most considered
charm. However, the blot on her character occurred when she casually mentioned to my
husband, who, like she, had suffered through the rigors of a bout with kidney stones, that
PASSING A KIDNEY STONE WAS WORSE THAN HAVING A BABY. She uttered these
miserable words before I had a chance to tackle her and slap a hand over her mouth. My
husbands response was immediate and breathtaking in its sheer, unalloyed glee. Up until this
very moment he had looked upon me, the mother who had triumphantly given birth to his three
heirs, with a kind of primal veneration and atavistic awe which I had come to not only enjoy but
rely upon. He was now perched up on top of the pain pinnacle and seemed to take immediately
to the cat bird seat.
After receiving this revelatory information, my husband felt even more at liberty to tell all
and sundry about every horrific detail regarding the passing of his stone. I must admit that when
I saw his kidney stone and considered its point of exit, I even felt a momentary pang of
compassion and warmth. Bill and his doctor were intensely fascinated by the really very tiny
thing and gave it the attention moon rocks must have received. They even sent it away (to NASA
for all I know) for it to be analyzed
.
You may wonder where this leaves me. I now reserve my most graphic depictions of
labor and delivery for the duller moments at baby showers, preferably at those showers where the
guest of honor is only days away from giving birth to herfirst child. I like to see how her face
drains of color as she contemplates lurid portrayals of labors lasting entire weeks, transition
periods so wrenching that seismic action is registered, and where blood loss is so great the local
paper must advertise for-emergency donors. I don't care what anyone says, a baby beats out a kidney stone any day of the week. Real women know this!
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